I remember freshman year of high school, I had a tendency to call everyone hon, or sweetie, or something along those lines. Who knows why, but sadly, I did. Then I remember all of a sudden one day in science class, Mr. Moeckel called on me, and all I remember is at some point during my answer, I managed to call him hon. Not only was I made fun of all of that semester, but it cured me from calling anyone hon after that. I actually couldn't stand those terms at all after that because it reminded me of that embarrassing moment.
I talk on the phone several days with Paden, especially since we aren't in the same town together. Each time we talk he'll call me honey, darling, sugar, babe, etc. often saying most, if not all, in one conversation. Even though to some people they are cheesy names or they think they are silly, I love it. I don't know why, but it makes me feel all sorts of special and loved, plus it's just so stinking cute!
So even though I'm going to try to refrain from calling any of my professors hon, I sure don't mind terms of endearment any longer.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Realization
I'm excited! I mean really excited!! I am going to church on Sunday with a girl that I work with. I haven't been going to church lately, or more than lately, for a long time actually. I am not happy about this at all. I have been telling myself I need to go to church, but one Sunday after another goes by, and all of a sudden I realize how long it has been.
I am scared to go to church. I always feel like an outsider or that I am being judged. I truly believe this is the devil's way of keeping me out of the House of God. The devil scares me out of going to church, he makes me feel like I am not good enough, not wanted. All of this I know is false, but I somehow still get nervous. Also, since I've been in college, my lifestyle has changed some. I cuss more then I want to admit, I drink too much sometimes, and I do other things, that make me feel so bad and so discouraged, that I feel that not even God will want me. Again, I know this is false, but how can I keep wandering how I can deserve the Love from Our Father, when I have not been living the lifestyle he asks me to live. So I tell myself, I can't go to church, I am not good enough to be there, when that is exactly where I need to be, especially when I am sinning more.
I've also come to the realization that maybe in the past, when I did have a better relationship with God, it was for someone else almost. A boyfriend, my dad, a friend, anyone....I had their help and their pull, but when I had a fallout with that person, or just wasn't as close, I let my relationship with Christ fall also. I need to do this for me! I need this relationship with Christ to be sacred, I need realize, that when I am asking him in my life for just myself, all of the other relationships around me, will fall into place, instead of of place. This makes me so excited because I know that even though I am not perfect, He still wants me, loves me, enjoys everything about me, and is calling me!
Another realization I have had is about this nagging thought in the back of my head. I am dating a wonderful guy, who seems to good to be true sometimes! We mesh so well together, and my love for him grows more and more each day. But.....he's Catholic. Not a whole lot of difference between him and my Protestant beliefs, but enough. I constantly feel like I have to defend our relationship to family and friends when it comes to the religious part of our relationship. Sometimes I think: How are we going to make this work? What happens when we get married? If we have kids? What is it going to be like, how is this going to work? And I have had these thoughts that if I do start going to church, God is going to take him away from me. I know that in the Bible it says that a woman needs a strong man (in religious ways, not muscles!) to lead her. What if he isn't the one for me? I am so scared that he is going to be ripped away from me because he doesn't have the personal relationship with God, the one that God asks us to have with him. So again, I put that as another reason to not go to church, to not try to better my relationship with God. But as I was driving home from work tonight, I had this thought, that maybe instead of God, that was the devil. Telling me that if I do become a stronger woman in my Faith, God would rip Paden away. If this is the devil telling me this, then it has worked, and I am ashamed I have listened to him because he has kept me from going to church, from improving my lifestyle, from getting closer to God. I do not want to listen to him, to give in to his thoughts, but its hard, very hard. I know that I need a lot of prayer, and I need to surround myself with people strong in Faith to help me better my own Faith.
I realize that God put me on this Earth to walk with him, love him, know him. I realize, that I want my ultimate destination to be in Heaven, worshiping my Savior forever and ever. I know that if He asks me to give up my Paden, I am going to have to because I know He will be there to support me and show me the way. As for now though, I believe He still wants Paden in my life, and I hope that this is the truth.
I am writing all of this almost as a journal for me, so I can push myself to be a stronger woman of God, so I can remember how nasty the devil is and how easily he can lie, and so that I can maybe get all of my jumbled thoughts in my head a little more clear. I know that God loves me, he gave His Son to die for me, and that He wants a relationship with me, he wants me to know him and love him and to walk hand in hand with him, and I know.....that is what I want! So please, if you stumble across this, pray for me and my battle against the devil, pray for me and my relationship with Paden, family, and friends, and pray that I find my path with God once again! I know I have a long way to go, but for now, I am just looking forward to Sunday!
I am scared to go to church. I always feel like an outsider or that I am being judged. I truly believe this is the devil's way of keeping me out of the House of God. The devil scares me out of going to church, he makes me feel like I am not good enough, not wanted. All of this I know is false, but I somehow still get nervous. Also, since I've been in college, my lifestyle has changed some. I cuss more then I want to admit, I drink too much sometimes, and I do other things, that make me feel so bad and so discouraged, that I feel that not even God will want me. Again, I know this is false, but how can I keep wandering how I can deserve the Love from Our Father, when I have not been living the lifestyle he asks me to live. So I tell myself, I can't go to church, I am not good enough to be there, when that is exactly where I need to be, especially when I am sinning more.
I've also come to the realization that maybe in the past, when I did have a better relationship with God, it was for someone else almost. A boyfriend, my dad, a friend, anyone....I had their help and their pull, but when I had a fallout with that person, or just wasn't as close, I let my relationship with Christ fall also. I need to do this for me! I need this relationship with Christ to be sacred, I need realize, that when I am asking him in my life for just myself, all of the other relationships around me, will fall into place, instead of of place. This makes me so excited because I know that even though I am not perfect, He still wants me, loves me, enjoys everything about me, and is calling me!
Another realization I have had is about this nagging thought in the back of my head. I am dating a wonderful guy, who seems to good to be true sometimes! We mesh so well together, and my love for him grows more and more each day. But.....he's Catholic. Not a whole lot of difference between him and my Protestant beliefs, but enough. I constantly feel like I have to defend our relationship to family and friends when it comes to the religious part of our relationship. Sometimes I think: How are we going to make this work? What happens when we get married? If we have kids? What is it going to be like, how is this going to work? And I have had these thoughts that if I do start going to church, God is going to take him away from me. I know that in the Bible it says that a woman needs a strong man (in religious ways, not muscles!) to lead her. What if he isn't the one for me? I am so scared that he is going to be ripped away from me because he doesn't have the personal relationship with God, the one that God asks us to have with him. So again, I put that as another reason to not go to church, to not try to better my relationship with God. But as I was driving home from work tonight, I had this thought, that maybe instead of God, that was the devil. Telling me that if I do become a stronger woman in my Faith, God would rip Paden away. If this is the devil telling me this, then it has worked, and I am ashamed I have listened to him because he has kept me from going to church, from improving my lifestyle, from getting closer to God. I do not want to listen to him, to give in to his thoughts, but its hard, very hard. I know that I need a lot of prayer, and I need to surround myself with people strong in Faith to help me better my own Faith.
I realize that God put me on this Earth to walk with him, love him, know him. I realize, that I want my ultimate destination to be in Heaven, worshiping my Savior forever and ever. I know that if He asks me to give up my Paden, I am going to have to because I know He will be there to support me and show me the way. As for now though, I believe He still wants Paden in my life, and I hope that this is the truth.
I am writing all of this almost as a journal for me, so I can push myself to be a stronger woman of God, so I can remember how nasty the devil is and how easily he can lie, and so that I can maybe get all of my jumbled thoughts in my head a little more clear. I know that God loves me, he gave His Son to die for me, and that He wants a relationship with me, he wants me to know him and love him and to walk hand in hand with him, and I know.....that is what I want! So please, if you stumble across this, pray for me and my battle against the devil, pray for me and my relationship with Paden, family, and friends, and pray that I find my path with God once again! I know I have a long way to go, but for now, I am just looking forward to Sunday!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Frozen Pipes
Yesterday, I woke up early because I needed to go to the bathroom and was extremely thirsty. As I stumbled in to my restroom, eyes half shut, I sat down and started to go (sorry for the image) and reached to fill up a cup of water at the same time, I am a great multi-tasker, what can I say! As I turned on my faucet, no water came out. None, zilch, zero, not a drop!! Since I am mostly still asleep this didn't seem to alarm that much, so I finished doing my business, and crawled back to my bed.
Later, when I woke up for good, I went back to the bathroom to get a drink of water. When I turned it on, again, nothing came out again! I ran downstairs and tried the other bathroom and the kitchen faucet, nothing! I couldn't believe it, somehow our pipes had frozen over, maybe the -20degree weather had something to do with it?!?
After talking to the landlord a couple of times, we finally got a plumber/electirian man over to our house. When he came in he started looking around and went upstairs to check my bathroom faucet. As he started up the stairs, I remembered I had not been able to put any of my laundry away. Of course, the last load I had washed had a lot of my undies in it. So right by the bathroom is my yellow, grey, pink, red, and an assortment of undies sprawled all over the floor, along with some shirts and socks. I was mortified. Luckily, he had to run back to his truck to get a machine, so I ran upstairs, and instead of putting all of the clothes in my room like a smart person, I put my large coat and a sweatshirt over it and ran back downstairs, trying to act like nothing had happened!
Later on, he informed us that he had to leave, but that he would be back because it was going to take some time to get the pipes unfrozen because the floor below us had also frozen. Most likely, it was going to be another three to four hours before we had any water.
Of course, at this time my bodily functions where definitely in need of an outlet. I decided the best option would be for me to walk to my lab final early and just use a restroom in the building. I thought about asking a neighbor, but I didn't want to stink up any one's house, if you know what I mean. After I got all my cold gear on and got out the door, I thought I was going to have stop at a local business to relieve myself. Luckily, I made it to the building on time! Hopefully, we do not have anymore frozen pipes this winter because it will not be good on my body!
Later, when I woke up for good, I went back to the bathroom to get a drink of water. When I turned it on, again, nothing came out again! I ran downstairs and tried the other bathroom and the kitchen faucet, nothing! I couldn't believe it, somehow our pipes had frozen over, maybe the -20degree weather had something to do with it?!?
After talking to the landlord a couple of times, we finally got a plumber/electirian man over to our house. When he came in he started looking around and went upstairs to check my bathroom faucet. As he started up the stairs, I remembered I had not been able to put any of my laundry away. Of course, the last load I had washed had a lot of my undies in it. So right by the bathroom is my yellow, grey, pink, red, and an assortment of undies sprawled all over the floor, along with some shirts and socks. I was mortified. Luckily, he had to run back to his truck to get a machine, so I ran upstairs, and instead of putting all of the clothes in my room like a smart person, I put my large coat and a sweatshirt over it and ran back downstairs, trying to act like nothing had happened!
Later on, he informed us that he had to leave, but that he would be back because it was going to take some time to get the pipes unfrozen because the floor below us had also frozen. Most likely, it was going to be another three to four hours before we had any water.
Of course, at this time my bodily functions where definitely in need of an outlet. I decided the best option would be for me to walk to my lab final early and just use a restroom in the building. I thought about asking a neighbor, but I didn't want to stink up any one's house, if you know what I mean. After I got all my cold gear on and got out the door, I thought I was going to have stop at a local business to relieve myself. Luckily, I made it to the building on time! Hopefully, we do not have anymore frozen pipes this winter because it will not be good on my body!
Friday, October 30, 2009
New York City
I'm going to New York City!!!! I am so excited! I leave in a week, our flight leaves at 6am. This means that I will have to leave home around 2am to make sure I get to the airport, get through security and be on my way to NYC! This also means, that I will probably not sleep at all next week with all of my excitement (for NYC). I am going as part of a group through K-State, and we will be attending the International Hotel/Motel & Restaurant Show (the IH/M&RS).
For Friday and Saturday night, a girl from my class and me will be staying in the Upper West Side in Hotell 99, and Sunday-Wednesday we will be meeting up with the rest of our group to stay at the Double Tree which is in Times Square, talk about crazy!! I am hoping to be able to see even 3% of NYC in the brief time I am there. Most of the time we will be able to do as we please, but one day we will have to go to the show and another day we will tour a couple different hotels (what, do they think this is my major or something?!? oh wait...) but all of that should be fun too, just not as fun as being in NYC for the first time.
I am truly blessed to have this oppurtunity and ask everyone to pray for my classmates and me to have a safe flight and a safe time there!
For Friday and Saturday night, a girl from my class and me will be staying in the Upper West Side in Hotell 99, and Sunday-Wednesday we will be meeting up with the rest of our group to stay at the Double Tree which is in Times Square, talk about crazy!! I am hoping to be able to see even 3% of NYC in the brief time I am there. Most of the time we will be able to do as we please, but one day we will have to go to the show and another day we will tour a couple different hotels (what, do they think this is my major or something?!? oh wait...) but all of that should be fun too, just not as fun as being in NYC for the first time.
I am truly blessed to have this oppurtunity and ask everyone to pray for my classmates and me to have a safe flight and a safe time there!
Monday, June 22, 2009
Sunshine and Summertime
Today will be my first official day of the last harvest I will work in Ada! I'm really excited for harvest to start, and I know all of the farmers are too. It is always a race to see who can start cutting first, and once one person does, all the farmers get real ancy to see if their wheat is ready so they too can begin to cut.
My job is to stand in the a/c and weigh the wheat trucks and test the grain. It is a pretty easy job since I don't have to sit in the sticky Kansas sun and can read a book when I'm not busy. Although its not all glitz and glamour, (ha! as if anything about harvest is) if I need to use the lady's room, I have to walk across the street and over to the city park while holding a stick to fight off all the mean dogs that come over and bark and chase me. Than when I reach my destination, I have to sit my fanny down on a dirty toilet that is essentially just covering a huge hole in the ground. When I am done, I have to use hand sanitizer to clean my hands, since there is no sink! Plus, I have to think in the timing of my potty breaks because farmers do not like to be kept waiting, so I have to make sure no trucks are coming during my little outing.
Other than that, it is a pretty easy job that I look forward to every year! When I first started working at the elevator, after my sister had left, I was really excited because I figured it would be a great way to meet all the cute farmers' grandsons, but oh no was I wrong! All of the farmers are too old and have let their grandsons take over the combines and tractors, so who do I get to see all day, you guessed it, the old farmers! But they are always entertaining to say the least, and that way it keeps me out of trouble ; )
Also harvests means home for me. It is really nice just to be able to hang out with my family and see them each day, plus I am now only 10 minutes away from Paden instead of an hour and a half, so I can't really complain about that!!
Hopefully this summer will be a good harvest and with God's help, everything will go on without a hitch!
My job is to stand in the a/c and weigh the wheat trucks and test the grain. It is a pretty easy job since I don't have to sit in the sticky Kansas sun and can read a book when I'm not busy. Although its not all glitz and glamour, (ha! as if anything about harvest is) if I need to use the lady's room, I have to walk across the street and over to the city park while holding a stick to fight off all the mean dogs that come over and bark and chase me. Than when I reach my destination, I have to sit my fanny down on a dirty toilet that is essentially just covering a huge hole in the ground. When I am done, I have to use hand sanitizer to clean my hands, since there is no sink! Plus, I have to think in the timing of my potty breaks because farmers do not like to be kept waiting, so I have to make sure no trucks are coming during my little outing.
Other than that, it is a pretty easy job that I look forward to every year! When I first started working at the elevator, after my sister had left, I was really excited because I figured it would be a great way to meet all the cute farmers' grandsons, but oh no was I wrong! All of the farmers are too old and have let their grandsons take over the combines and tractors, so who do I get to see all day, you guessed it, the old farmers! But they are always entertaining to say the least, and that way it keeps me out of trouble ; )
Also harvests means home for me. It is really nice just to be able to hang out with my family and see them each day, plus I am now only 10 minutes away from Paden instead of an hour and a half, so I can't really complain about that!!
Hopefully this summer will be a good harvest and with God's help, everything will go on without a hitch!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Chicago - Part Duece
On Sunday, the second day we were there, my friend Jene and I decided to walk down to Navy Pier and check it all out. It was the last day of Marine week, so we knew the scenery had to be good (wink wink)!
The first glimpse of it as we were walking.
Tugboats on Lake Michigan.
The famous ferris wheel, it is actually in the place where a man named Ferris built the first wheel : ) No but seriously, true story!
As we walked down the pier, there were several small food shops where you could buy gyros, cotton candy, etc and also places to buy tickets to shows for that evening. Along with the ferris wheel, there was a miniture golf course, a mary-go-round, and other fun things you could do.
The best part though was when I stumbled upon where my two boyfriends live:
That's right, every moment I can, I snuggle up with Ben & Jerry! Chunky Monkey all the way!
As we kept walking I saw this huge yacht, which I thought had to belong to someone extremely rich, I got super excited to see it up close! As we were walking closer to it, I see people on board cleaning it and so on, and than all of a sudden one of them approached us to see if we could buy tickets....yes, it was just some touristy-huge-yacht ment to trick those of us who never see huge yachts into thinking its super fancy, when really you can pay $30 to get a ride at night and maybe even a meal. I was so disappointed, BUT I still took a picture!
After the sweet yacht, we just walked around some more and took pictures of the lake and different sites in Chicago:
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
One More Sad Song
The other day, I was listening to the radio, and the DJ was interviewing a musician. They were talking about the importance of sad songs, and how they help people get through tough times. No one likes to listen to upbeat songs when their heart is crying out in pain.
On Sunday, one of Dad's best friends, was murdered. He was a great family friend, and my dad and him got really close when they both were single fathers, raising their kids. It was and is really hard to swallow. These things don't happen to people you know, especially not in small town Kansas, where you always feel safe. This is something that happens only in the movies, right?
When I got off of work on Monday I drove to McPherson, to see my dad. I did it more for selfish reasons, wanting to see him for my own good. After I heard what happened, it really put things in perspective to me and how important my family is to me, and I need to see him. I wanted to make sure that he knew I loved him. When I got there, I realized I needed to be there, not for myself, but for him. The man I always looked up to, who was always strong, was visibly shaken. I got out of the car and gave him the biggest hug I could, and we just cried. I held my father, not knowing what to say, just knowing that I was glad I was there, to help him through this time.
I know that if my dad didn't have God in his life, it would be so much harder to go through this moment. All I knew to do was to pray. I prayed for Mark's family, his kids and grand kids, that they would look to God through this, I prayed for my family, to be there as support, but to also make us realize how short life is, and how we tend to take each other for granted, I prayed all day, talking to God about some of the silliest things, just because I need him, needed to talk to him, needed God to hold me.
As I drove to McPherson, I began to realize how right that DJ and that musician were. I could only listen to sad songs, only those songs knew what I felt, how much it hurt. I know that this week, will define tally be a sad song week, but hopefully, next week, we will be able to rejoice in God's love, and slowly start to listen to the happy songs again.
To Mark, you were a great friend and an awesome father, you will be missed!
On Sunday, one of Dad's best friends, was murdered. He was a great family friend, and my dad and him got really close when they both were single fathers, raising their kids. It was and is really hard to swallow. These things don't happen to people you know, especially not in small town Kansas, where you always feel safe. This is something that happens only in the movies, right?
When I got off of work on Monday I drove to McPherson, to see my dad. I did it more for selfish reasons, wanting to see him for my own good. After I heard what happened, it really put things in perspective to me and how important my family is to me, and I need to see him. I wanted to make sure that he knew I loved him. When I got there, I realized I needed to be there, not for myself, but for him. The man I always looked up to, who was always strong, was visibly shaken. I got out of the car and gave him the biggest hug I could, and we just cried. I held my father, not knowing what to say, just knowing that I was glad I was there, to help him through this time.
I know that if my dad didn't have God in his life, it would be so much harder to go through this moment. All I knew to do was to pray. I prayed for Mark's family, his kids and grand kids, that they would look to God through this, I prayed for my family, to be there as support, but to also make us realize how short life is, and how we tend to take each other for granted, I prayed all day, talking to God about some of the silliest things, just because I need him, needed to talk to him, needed God to hold me.
As I drove to McPherson, I began to realize how right that DJ and that musician were. I could only listen to sad songs, only those songs knew what I felt, how much it hurt. I know that this week, will define tally be a sad song week, but hopefully, next week, we will be able to rejoice in God's love, and slowly start to listen to the happy songs again.
To Mark, you were a great friend and an awesome father, you will be missed!
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